Dear Past, let me go
by LOVEnSOUL
Summary: Austin and ally has been friends since 3rd grade but ally hides something from austin and after a kiss, everything Fall apart and austin turns accidently into a player . Ally is tired of comforting his ex girlfriends and defending him so she stoped beeing friends with him. .. But why did austin have choosen to be a player and will austin and ally ever be back together?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**

**Austin and ally** has been friends since 3rd grade but ally hides something from austin and after a kiss, everything Fall apart and austin turns accidently into a player . Ally is tired of comforting his ex girlfriends and defending him so she stoped beeing friends with him. .. But why did austin have choosen to be a player and will austin and ally ever be back together?


	2. Chapter 2

It has been three years , three years since i broke the contact to one of my best friends , the one i'd never expected to be friends and the one who had broken my heart with his actions, words and changing .

We were so close, we were asked many times whether we are siblings, a couple or in love with eachother.

But.. that wasn't what we were.

You see, i use the **past** because it's a long cruel crazy weird time ago.

I want to use these words in present but it's not possible ... Not anymore.

We had always fights , you know the one which kids have. Fights over who gets the last piece of the pizza ,the last cookie or if someone cheats by hide and seek ridiculous little arguements , which you can't take serious but the fight, the one _real_ fight ,was more than serious because both of us , i think, had questioned our hole Friendship.

Some fights need to be done, to become a better person, learn from your mistakes and see who's a real friend.

And in that way, i think we really had need this fight because if a friendship hasn't up and downs it wouldn't be a friendship, just a polite, stressful forced way to be nice to a person and just tolerance.

We had lot of ups and not sooo much down's but it was real. Only the one exception ...

so this is what happened:

We both were 13 and Austin was going to be 14 soon and we had planned his birthday since his last one , well a year seems is faster over as you probably think and it was our tradition to plan everything soon, to get sure this one special day will be perfect. But not this time. Don't get me wrong, we had hold our tradition just like every year but this time was different because of two reasons. First of all and that was the sad one, my mum was going to africa to write about the living, learning and whatever from apes . She had said that one day before she went and one day before austin's birthdayparty , which i didn't want to go anymore. It was just sad the thought of celebrating a person you loves birthday and in the other hand the going away of a person you love too. So i was divided emotinally. But i hadn't said anything about the going away to austin , i didn't want to ruin his party with the sadness and my bad mood. I hate to keep secrets from my best friend , but there was no other solution. So i just faked smile and acted natural on his party. Unfortunately i was and still am, a terrible actor so it was  
conspicuous that something was wrong.

I think, sitting in the back of his huge garden in the darkness under a tree hasn't made it any better.

I was writing in my new note book (not a computer) which my mum had given my mum me on the airport before she had gone in the plane.

"Take it sweety and whenever you miss or are angry of me or whenever you had problemes, which you don't want to share with anyone, or whenever you are afraid of something just write in that and i promise you will feel better. Don't think it's ridiculous to write in it because no one would want to read this. It's for you and you are the only person who shuld care and decide who do you want to show it. You can write what you want whenever you want. Like a diary or.. a songbook sweety. you are really talented don't be afraid to show your real you. Take that as a replacement. Love you sweety ..." and with that she was gone. Oh and about the "you can use it like a songbook" part, this was another secret i kept from austin and my stagefright. I wanted to tell him all those things especially because he was always there for me, when i had needed him but ...

It's just , i didn't want sympathy for my stagefright. In that way Austin and I were more then different , we were the completly opposite of eachother. He was the handsome, strong, confident, tough singer and dancer who loved and still loves the stage

...and me...Not so much.

It's great to be different from eachother but i didn't think the totally opposites would go together so good. and i still think that.


	3. Chapter 3

Allys POV:

So it was all up to me.

To choose whether i let Austin know what was going on and take the risc that he might be sad or angry because i have kept not just only one secret , no two. I really wanted to just to him and confess all my secrets but... This wasn't a movie, where people run in eachothers arms with shiny, happy smiles and forgivness ...No, this is the real mess of life, my mess of life. And back then, i didn't come clear with this hole mess.

Sometimes I really wish my life is a movie, where i don't have stagefright and my mum hasn't gone to africa.

But life isn't a desired concert and you can't control it.

Wishing, praying and hoping doesn't make it any better, but it can gives you the feeling that everything will be better soon and all the mess will be just another part of you, another memory. You will laugh about and make fun of it, how stupid and incompetent , you was in your past .

But .. i didn't laught and i still don't laugh about it.

I was writing that in my brand-new book which i first wanted to throw it in the garbage. My mum was right... I was not just sad, i was angry of myself to letting her go and i was angry of her because she have choosen to go.

All of this Anger, had to become free so the first thougt i had was to let all of it on the book . But i couldn't. I really wanted to do it but i just couldn't. It wasn't that i hadn't time fo it to do it .. it was more like : If i throw this away, it'll be hurt again or even more because this time it **was my decision** not the one of my mum. It's like letting her go again and feel the pain twice because the book really was like a replacement for my mum and if i had thrown it away , it'll be like loosing the last binding part to her.

I just couldn't let that happen...So i decide to keep it ,instand of throwing away.

I looked up, to see if anyone misses me or something .Because i still sat under the tree in the back, to hide myself.

Usually i wasn't like . I liked beeing around people, make them smile, make fun and make them feel loved but not on that day.

It felt like betray.

I know it seems ridiculous , especially when it was your best friends birtday but sometimes you don't want people around you, they are kind and fun but sometimes it's better when you hide and discuss your problems all in your own before you get on the nerves of others with your bad mood and the not understandable look of the others.

Yeah i know it was the worst apology and excuse for my weird acting and i know i was weak . But i that moment i haven't care about what other people would think of me or if i was rude because i didn't join the crowd with playing, dancing and other stuff you make on a party especially when it was the birthday of one of the popular kids in middle school. Yeah you read right popular. another thing austin and i are different. He hadn't care about his population in school in any way but when he made a party, everyone is coming. Even people you just know from seeing in the hallway. And that hasn't changed . Don't get me wrong, i am happy that austin is popular and everyones friend and i didn't was a looser or a victim in school , ( _theres the past again_) i was just .. Invisible and a nobody . Just a normal ordinary girl who wasn't a second look worth but now ..

Many things had changed and i'm not proud of the way these things turned out.


End file.
